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Attack on Arendelle: The Fires of Taleen

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    Attack on Arendelle: The Fires of Taleen

    After a few months of emptiness prompted by Sazae's temporary takeover, the Curry Tavern was back open for business. As was usually the case after a weird event, the members of AnimeNation went on like nothing exciting happened, as they moved from topic to topic like nobody's business.

    "And that's how I came up with the idea of the Wireless Artificially Intelligent ****ing Unit, or 'W.A.I.F.U.' for short," stouted Sazae, fresh from the restraining order placed on him by the Church of ***********. "This invention is going to revolutionize the anime industry as you know it, just you wait!"

    "Sazae, that's the most terrible idea I've heard since the vegan double cheeseburger," Plough rebutted. "And that idea was so bad, I felt compelled to disembowel the guy who came up with it. Isn't that right, BW's skull?"

    Plough then held up a human skull wearing a dunce cap, bobbing it up and down as if imitating a nodding gesture.

    "Oh please, the W.A.I.F.U. can't be that bad," Sazae insisted, finishing up his Coors Lemonade (not actually lemonade). "Besides, I already sold a couple to Taleen just a week ago, and she seemed pretty pleased with them so far."

    The door to the Curry Tavern was then knocked down by a cannonball, following it a miniaturized off-white steampunk-looking tank with a pirate's Jolly Roger flying on the hatch. The tank approached Sazae, cannon side pointing directly at him, as the hatch opened to reveal a familiar white-hooded female figure, also pointing an 18th century musket at Sazae.

    "Eep," Sazae panicked, his hands in the air. "Taleen, isn't this a bit overboard?"

    "Overboard?" Taleen shouted, firing a warning shot right through Sazae's Coors Lemonade with her rifle. "Isn't this the appropriate response to you selling me lemons?!"

    "Wh... what lemons?"

    Another warning shot later (this time aimed for Sazae's unopened can of Mountain Dew Baconator), Taleen pulled out from the tank a pair of obviously weathered and scarred female-shaped androids, each one spouting anguished cries of "SENPAI" and "ONII-CHAN" until blacking out.

    "Care to explain how these two bimbots stopped cold— literally, might I add— after being exposed to frigid temperatures?" Taleen demanded.

    "They're just robots, Taleen!" Sazae insisted. "I don't know what business you had stuffing them in the freezer, but that's just what robots do in cold weather."

    "I don't know what you're talking about," Taleen replied coldly. "All I did was take them outside for a walk. Not my fault they can't handle a mere blizzardy storm!"

    "What do you mean 'blizzard', Taleen? It's late spring!"

    Both Taleen and Sazae promptly tried to ignore the inevitable triggered cries of both Plough and Vaikyuko over the mere mention of the word "blizzard".

    "Blizzard? BLIZZARD?!" Plough was screaming. "WENDY'S NO APPROVE OF DAIRY QUEEN PROPAGANDA! THIS MEANS WAR!"

    "YOU MEAN BLIZZARD IS ANNOUNCING A NEW EVENT ALREADY?!" Vaikyuko, popping up from her seat behind Sazae, squealed with excitement. "TALEEN! YOU'VE GOT TO LET ME BORROW THAT BASTION OF YOURS!"

    "Ugh, you people..." Taleen facepalmed. "The blizzard outside right now. Snow everywhere in places where I never thought there could be snow. You come outside and tell me this storm cares it's late spring."

    As if on cue, strong winds of freezing air came gusting forward into the tavern, along with it a small animate snowman hopping in without even minding the tank.

    "Oh, hi," the snowman introduced itself. "This place does sell the hottest, spiciest curry around, right? I'll take a dozen!"

    Everyone else was stunned silent for what seemed like a full minute, until Plough spoke up in half-jest.

    "We're in the Arendelle level of Kingdom Hearts 3.14, aren't we?"

    "Oooh, you know of Arendelle?" the snowman responded. "That's where I'm from! Oh, that reminds me, I have a message for you: something about an invasion, our leader Spy Princess swearing revenge on AnimeNation... huh... I take it you're AnimeNation?"

    Taleen immediately shot a cannonball from her tank at the messenger snowman after hearing the name "Spy Princess", her mouth raising a seemingly wicked grin.

    "Well, well," she said to herself. "And here I thought she was long dead; now she's taken on a new name and wants a snowball fight with us..."

    The words from Taleen's mouth prompted most everyone else to run off, knowing exactly where she was going.

    "COWARDS!" Taleen screamed. "DO YOU WANNA JOIN MY ARMY?! COME ON, LETS GO AND PLAY!"

    No response came, forcing Taleen's hand even more.

    "Free Baconators for helping me cook up A Dead Spy?"

    On cue, the entirely of AnimeNation went out of hiding, with ThePhillyFlash in particular chanting "BACON" repeatedly.

    "What gluttons," Taleen silently sighed.
    "I'm actually great at debating, as I've been informally trained by 4chan and Something Awful"
    Alex Decay

    #2
    Alas, poor BW... I knew you...( in )
    Avatar: Tomoyo

    Comment


      #3
      I like this.... and you know you called yourself ADS at the end.... right?
      Never Underestimate This Madwoman's Eternal Goober-ness
      Taleen and Nutmeg: We are the Talmeg. 2017 Best AN couple
      AN's Alpha Female

      Avatar: Sakura, Cardcaptor Sakura

      Comment


        #4
        ((Yeah, I know. That was intentional; everyone in-verse still knows Spy Princess as A Dead Spy, after all.))
        "I'm actually great at debating, as I've been informally trained by 4chan and Something Awful"
        Alex Decay

        Comment


          #5
          Hahaha, this is effing awesome! Will AN be separated into two teams and fight, or Spy Princess will come with her own army?

          Damn, I like me and I like the last part it made me laugh xD
          In the night, the stormy night, she'd close her eyes
          In the night, the stormy night, away she'd fly

          ***
          Taleen and Nutmeg: We are the Talmeg. 2017 Best AN couple

          Comment


            #6
            "Ahhh, Taleen, let me tell you, this Baconator is the best Baconator in the entire universe."

            Taleen could only glare at Plough, not even bothering to utter one syllable on the grounds that he didn't deserve any words at his expense. After all, she had braved a literal blizzard just to obtain enough Wendy's Baconator meals to feed an entire third world nation.

            "So, about ADS, or whatever she's calling herself now," Plough began to ask, before being rudely interrupted by the loud snoring of a sleeping Sazae, who was cuddled up with a life size plush toy of Sango from Inuyasha.

            "... am I seriously the only one awake right now?"

            "Just leave him be," Taleen ordered. "We haven't much time before the first wave comes."

            "First wave...?"

            "Of giant snow robots, Plough," Taleen sighed. "I spotted them advancing from miles away while I was away in that God-forsaken blizzard. Fortunately, I know a pathway that might help the both of us escape undetected, but first I'll need a favor from you now that you're an official admin."

            Plough instantly returned Taleen's glare with one of his own, knowing exactly what she was asking of him.

            "I'm not giving you your banhammer back, Taleen," he insisted. "Never mind what happened the last time you had it, how can I be sure you won't be outright killing ADS with it?"

            "Fine, let AnimeNation freeze for eternity. You're an admin, remember? You can always revive her later, after all is said and done."

            "And what makes you think simply killing and reviving her will make her comply with us this time? Do we really have to go through this over and over again, expecting something to change every time?"

            "Then leave ADS dead, for I care!"

            "YOU KNOW WE CAN'T DO THAT, TALEEN!"

            An awkward silence followed, with neither side courageous enough to break it. Taleen's fist clenched and relaxed in a cycle, as she noticed Plough's eyes on the verge of tears. Only then was she able to speak again.

            "... I know, she was our friend..."

            "She still is, Taleen," Plough insisted. "Think about it, if ADS is truly emulating Elsa right now, then no amount of punishment at her expense is going to save her, let alone AnimeNation."

            "What are you saying?"

            "It was Nutmeg, her own best friend, who killed her, Taleen. And after we revived her, she flat out disappeared from us. For all we know, she's doing all of this because she feels betrayed. And I guarantee you, two more of her close friends storming into her castle with intent to kill her again? She'll start even more shit."

            "So what do we do, Plough? Just wait for all this to pull though as if this is some mere temper tantrum?"

            "You remember how Elsa's power works, right? How it's fueled by raw emotion and all? This IS a mere temper tantrum, but that doesn't mean we have to weather it."

            Taleen sighed angrily, impatient for Plough to get to his point.

            "Only an act of true love can thaw a frozen heart, Taleen," Plough assured her as he headed toward the door to the Curry Tavern. "Now, you said you needed your banhammer?"

            "That would be nice."

            "I'll only give it to you on the condition that you stay here and help clean up the approaching snow army. Leave ADS to me, and me alone."

            Taleen instantly groaned. As much as she still cared for Spy Princess, she still couldn't help but believe Plough was planning a suicide mission, yet she knew there was no talking him out of it.

            "Just get on with it, then" Taleen ordered, not wanting any more time wasted. "And if you die, I'll kill you to death."
            "I'm actually great at debating, as I've been informally trained by 4chan and Something Awful"
            Alex Decay

            Comment


              #7
              WELCOME BACK ON BOARD, ELSA!!!!

              Wow, Plough is loyal, I seem evil, Nutmeg is gone, SP is angry and this story is more and more interesting =D

              Don't keep us waiting for too long this time ;3
              In the night, the stormy night, she'd close her eyes
              In the night, the stormy night, away she'd fly

              ***
              Taleen and Nutmeg: We are the Talmeg. 2017 Best AN couple

              Comment


                #8
                Nutmeg better be with Shuuhei.... cause that's where she belongs.
                Never Underestimate This Madwoman's Eternal Goober-ness
                Taleen and Nutmeg: We are the Talmeg. 2017 Best AN couple
                AN's Alpha Female

                Avatar: Sakura, Cardcaptor Sakura

                Comment


                  #9
                  So is Taleen Elsa or Deadsy?
                  Master Nutmeg guide us. Master Nutmeg protect us. Master Nutmeg teach us.
                  In your light we thrive. In your wisdom we are humbled. We live only to serve you. Our lives are yours.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Deadsy! I'm the Queen of fire.
                    In the night, the stormy night, she'd close her eyes
                    In the night, the stormy night, away she'd fly

                    ***
                    Taleen and Nutmeg: We are the Talmeg. 2017 Best AN couple

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Coolllll......
                      Master Nutmeg guide us. Master Nutmeg protect us. Master Nutmeg teach us.
                      In your light we thrive. In your wisdom we are humbled. We live only to serve you. Our lives are yours.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Plough made a mental note for himself to thank Taleen for the tip on the hidden underground passageway, even if her knowledge of it was a little suspicious. Nonetheless, as the ground began to shake from the incoming snowman army, he continued on foot as silently as he could, until a sudden poke on Plough's shoulder came from behind.

                        "Taleen, I thought I told you-" Plough started, only to interrupt himself once he turned around.

                        "Hi," Nutmeg responded with odd exuberance, causing Plough to freeze up for a moment; Shuuhei, as part of the inseparable pair, was naturally right behind.

                        "Sorry, Nutmeg, but you're not welcome, either."

                        "Like hell I'm not welcome!" she exclaimed. "This may have gotten past your head, but this isn't all your responsibility. Not to mention it's too dangerous to confront Spy by yourself."

                        "And what help would you two be, anyway?" Plough scolded. "You killed Spy, remember?"

                        "All the more reason why we should be there with you," Shuuhei answered calmly. "Makes you an even lesser target, after all."

                        "She's not going to kill me, Shuuhei, whether you're there or-"

                        All three stopped themselves at an incoming noise, the ground beneath them shaking at a more alarming pace. Nutmeg reached out for her banhammer in haste, Shuuhei following suit.

                        "They're here.... aren't they?" Plough whispered. On call, what came toward them were three giant snowmen donned in perhaps the most ridiculous icy samurai armor ever witnessed, as if straight out of a Gundam On Ice show.

                        "REAP, KAZESHINI!" shouted both Nutmeg and Shuuhei, each of their swords transforming into a pair of twin scythes.

                        "Guys, I wouldn't-"

                        Plough's warning was swiftly ignored as each scythe spun up and tore the three Gundam wannabes into piles of generic shaved ice within seconds.

                        "SERIOUSLY!?"

                        "What's wrong, Plou-" Nutmeg stopped herself as she looked around; the ice walls, from the three of them to the piles of sliced golems, showed obvious signs of collateral damage from Nutmeg and Shuuhei's own blades. And then the cracks within the walls and the ceiling got bigger, until...

                        "We'll discuss it later! Now run!"

                        Piles of snow began to fall from the cracks as the trio made haste away from the scene. Already the cracks followed them as they ran, a heavy avalanche spewing out of each opening. The chase continued for several minutes until the three finally reached the end of the now collapsed tunnel.

                        "And the AN Award for 'Most Likely to Get Punched for Doing Something Stupid' Award goes to-"

                        "Shut it, Plough," Shuuhei interrupted. Indeed, they had just lost their best escape route, with the only pathway ahead leading straight to an immaculately designed ice palace with the gates open.

                        "She's not... expecting us, is she?" Nutmeg wondered aloud regarding the complete lack of guards.

                        "Obvious trap is obvious," Shuuhei responded quietly, as Plough continued forward. "Plough, wait!"

                        "What now?" Plough asked, annoyed. "Even if it is a trap, do you honestly believe it would be that obvious?"

                        Shuuhei sighed, knowing full well there was no getting through to Plough that easily. Left with no choice, he and Nutmeg followed Plough into the castle. The very eerily empty castle, at that, with only the sound of heavy footsteps coming from above.

                        "Here she comes..." whispered Nutmeg.

                        ________________________________________ _

                        Back at the Curry Tavern, barricades upon barricades of snow forts surrounded the place. SapperSix had placed himself in the front, behind him PhillyFlash, Vaikyuko, Godesssofanime, and rows of flamethrowers and grenades at their disposal.

                        "Any word on Taleen yet?" GOA asked, binoculars in hand as she watched the snow army surrounding the area.

                        "Just let her be for now," Sapper ordered. "We have more than enough in our arsenal as it is."

                        "But there's only four of us out right now," Flash pointed out. "And how soon can you get this over with? I'm still owed my Baconator!"

                        "The mods are already waking up the rest of us in preparation," Sapper explained. "We'll have plenty of reinforcements in no time. Vaikyuko, what's your status? And please, no more Overwatch references this time."

                        "Hmph, some fun you are, Sapper," Vaikyuko pouted from inside her custom red mini-mecha. "But yes, everything's A-OK!"

                        "Vai, is that J-pop music you're playing in the background?"

                        "Well, ex-cuse me for playing anime songs in a forum built around anime!"

                        "Enough chatter," GOA ordered. "I can see more of them snowbots advancing already."

                        "Then we have no time to waste," Sapper exclaimed. "Remember, Vai, as heavily armed as you are, you're the diversion, so don't get too cocky. GOA and Philly, you two are support. Take out any snowbots targeting Vai, but remember, don't be spotted. I'll be up top keeping the heat on, so to speak, as we wait for more mods to show up."

                        "Roger!" Flash replied.

                        "Here they come..." GOA warned.
                        "I'm actually great at debating, as I've been informally trained by 4chan and Something Awful"
                        Alex Decay

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Awesome chapter! Can’t wait to see what happens next.
                          Never Underestimate This Madwoman's Eternal Goober-ness
                          Taleen and Nutmeg: We are the Talmeg. 2017 Best AN couple
                          AN's Alpha Female

                          Avatar: Sakura, Cardcaptor Sakura

                          Comment


                            #14
                            This is getting more and more awesome! Love it, I went back and read the previous chapters again. You gotta work on next sooner, don't keep us waiting for too long or you melt!!

                            also while reading

                            "And if you die, I'll kill you to death."
                            In the night, the stormy night, she'd close her eyes
                            In the night, the stormy night, away she'd fly

                            ***
                            Taleen and Nutmeg: We are the Talmeg. 2017 Best AN couple

                            Comment


                              #15
                              "I swear, if I so much as hear the word 'Baconator' one more time..."

                              On the roof of the Curry Tavern, Taleen waited in boredom for her signal. Already the snowbot army has fast approached the premises, yet she could still do nothing but stand idly under Sapper's orders. And as if adding insult to injury, the stock flamethrowers at the ground troops' disposal seemed to be holding the snowbots off well enough thus far. At that rate, the only thing left is to wait for the newly re-minted "Spy Princess" to arrive, assuming she hadn't been caught by Plough already.

                              "Boring, boring, boring," she mumbled under her breath, her impatience finally getting the best of her as she headed back downstairs. As she came inside the tavern, however, she noticed more of AN's moderators— Bernard, DocWatson, Shiroiyuki, and Desslock— all perched at a table nearby.

                              "They're already here?" she thought to herself, as she decided to hide behind a clothed table to eavesdrop, not wanting to draw attention to herself.

                              "Look," Bernard argued among the rest of the mods, "all I'm wondering is why the hell DocWatson thought it was a good idea to revive that crossdressing son of a bitch in the first place, let alone give him that much power."

                              "Hold your tongue, Bernard," Shiroiyuki ordered. "Reviving ADS was the least Doc could do."

                              "And besides," Desslock continued, "we still don't know how ADS got a hold of such power. For all we know, it may have been a simple glitch in the construct, or perhaps an innermost desire of hers manifested in a way none of us could have anticipated."

                              "Bullshit," Bernard shot back. "You know, if it were up to me-"

                              "-you'd slice and dice A Dead Spy into millions of charred pieces," DocWatson finished for Bernard. "Yeah, we know. Just like how you already charred Lord Timaeus the same way. Don't pretend we don't see how thoroughly you enjoyed it, Bernard; regardless, our answer is still no."

                              "And let the bastard continue this assault?"

                              "And what makes you think killing her will end it?" Desslock warned. "Besides, with what we already know about her revival so far, we're not entirely sure ADS can be killed."

                              ".... What."

                              "If my hypothesis is true," Desslock continued, "and if this revival glitch is due to Sazae's previous meddling in the construct. then perhaps a part of Sazae's power grafted onto ADS herself upon her revival, and manifested as a power entirely her own based on her desires. And considering Sazae essentially became one with the construct-"

                              "-then it means A Dead Spy is also one with AnimeNation itself," DocWatson concluded. "As long as AnimeNation exists, so will Sazae, and so will A Dead Spy."

                              "And obviously, Sazae doesn't know he's still that important," Shiroiyuki explained further, "and we intend to keep it that way, so do make sure to keep your mouth shut on this, guys."

                              Bernard was noticeably shaking in his own fury, the other three mods trying their best to calm him. Their conversation then became too much of a jumble for Taleen to decipher easily, which allowed her more time to let in exactly what she heard.

                              "Spy, you lucky little..." Taleen thought repeatedly, not knowing what other words could describe what she wanted to do against Spy Princess once she found her. Nonetheless, she waited until the mods finally cleared themselves of any further heated argument.

                              "Now don't worry," Desslock comforted. "Plough and Nutmeg are on their way to deal with this threat as we speak, and we've already sent Haruhi after her long before this started. And believe me, Haruhi has as much of a personal grudge against ADS as you do, Bernard."

                              "Haruhi?" Bernard wondered out loud. "What's she got against Spy, anyway?"

                              "Well, for starters," DocWatson answered, "when ADS still held Haruhi's banhammer, she ultimately let it fall into Clayton's hands. You know the rest from there."

                              "And you're sure Haruhi will be enough?"

                              Before Taleen could listen in on any more of the mods' conversation, a sudden ringing came from her left ear, followed by Sapper's voice.

                              "Taleen, this is Sapper. Do you copy? Over."

                              Taleen sneaked herself back upstairs, careful not to let the mods see her as she got herself back to the roof of the tavern.

                              "Yeah, I'm with you, Sapper," Taleen responded. "What's going on in your-"

                              She stopped herself just as she got a good look at the surrounding area. Not only were there somehow even more snowbots than there were before, but they've all managed to surround the Curry Tavern completely, with the rest of the visible area already wrecked in snow-covered rubble. Even Vaikyuko's mech had been noticably frozen into place, unable to operate.

                              "We don't know the full extent of the damage yet," Sapper explained, "but this doesn't look good."

                              "Roger," Taleen replied, holding her hand up to summon the very banhammer she'd been itching for since the assault began. "One thousand char-broiled Baconator bots coming right up!"
                              "I'm actually great at debating, as I've been informally trained by 4chan and Something Awful"
                              Alex Decay

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