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    Introducing Bloody Angel

    After nearly 21 years in development and three years of writing, Im now finally satisfied to consider my first original light novel, Bloody Angel, finished. In order to provide potential publishers with some encouragement to pick up the manuscript, Id like to solicit advance reader reviews. If youre interested in doing me the favor of reading & reviewing an advance copy of my book, especially if you have a blog or personal website where you can post an objective, spoiler-free review, please contact me. Ill provide a copy of the manuscript via e-mail in Microsoft Word or PDF format.

    Anastasia Fujiwara manages a meager living in a dystopic future Japan until a mercenary gang of thugs slaughters her family and leaves her unconscious and presumed dead. Waking up from a coma weeks later, Anastasia sets forth on a vengeful quest for explanations and reparation. She quickly learns that shes been drawn into a cryptic conflict between massive corporations, and the secrets shell uncover will cost her, body and soul, more than she ever imagined she could sacrifice.

    Bloody Angel is a symbolically and thematically rich cyberpunk adventure inspired by Japanese light novels and anime. The tragic unconventional revenge epic is steeped in Shinto mythology and includes extensive references to literary tradition and religious iconography along with abundant subtextual thematic depth. Ideal for anime and manga fans, Bloody Angel is an intelligent, compelling, emotionally wrenching story accessible to all readers with a taste for provocative, mature sci-fi action.

    #2
    Originally posted by John View Post
    ... and the secrets shell uncover will cost her, body and soul, more than she ever imagined she could sacrifice.
    It took me a while to understand this part fully; I suggest rewriting along the lines of:

    "... and the secrets she'll uncover will strain her body and soul to an extent she never imagined."

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by radiator123 View Post
      I suggest rewriting along the lines of:

      "... and the secrets she'll uncover will strain her body and soul to an extent she never imagined."
      I appreciate the suggestion; however, I deliberately phrased that particular sentence the way I wanted it to read. Placing the phrase "body and soul" as an interrupting phrase in commas within the larger phrase, "the secrets shell uncover will cost her... more than she ever imagined she could sacrifice," has a deliberate consonance with the repeated "s" sound and conveys the duality of Anastasia's sacrifice as a core point rather than as an afterthought, as moving the phrase to the end of the sentence would imply.

      I don't believe that the phrasing of the sentence is difficult to comprehend at all so long as the reader pays attention to the role of the commas within the sentence. I want the reader to pause on "body and soul" to emphasize those two points. Changing the sentence to something like, "will strain her body and soul to an extent" loses the conscious emphasis on "body and soul" that the commas creates.

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by John
        Placing the phrase "body and soul" as an interrupting phrase in commas within the larger phrase, "the secrets she’ll uncover will cost her... more than she ever imagined she could sacrifice," has a deliberate consonance with the repeated "s" sound and conveys the duality of Anastasia's sacrifice as a core point rather than as an afterthought, as moving the phrase to the end of the sentence would imply.
        Many thanks for your reply John and for explaining the rationale for writing that particular sentence in the way you did. I guess this comes down to style preferences, but it seems to me that mentioning that she's going to make sacrifices already alludes indirectly to physical and spiritual stress. So the inclusion of "body and soul" at the end of the sentence wouldn't be too bad, I think. Also, putting "body and soul" in parenthetic commas means that it could be interpreted as a side issue rather than a core point.

        Another point is that although "more than she ever imagined she could sacrifice" is good in terms of common "s" sounds, the phrasing sounds a bit verbose to me and hence doesn't flow well. I mean, try saying it 10 times in a row and I think it becomes evident that it doesn't roll off the tongue.

        Originally posted by John
        I don't believe that the phrasing of the sentence is difficult to comprehend at all so long as the reader pays attention to the role of the commas within the sentence. I want the reader to pause on "body and soul" to emphasize those two points.
        That's fine as far as intentions go, but I'd recommend getting more people to read that sentence to see what others think. What I find with my own writing sometimes is that I become so familiar with it that I forget that other people are approaching it fresh and would probably only read it once, with a short time to comprehend what is written. Reader perceptions can differ a lot from author intentions.

        Comment


          #5
          Indeed, one point that I particularly fret about is reader reaction to my particular writing style because what you refer to as "verbose" is the natural style that I used to write my entire novel. I'm aware that it's possibly a bit dense and necessitates slow reading. But it also allows me to express exactly what I want to communicate precisely the way I want to, with the specific emphasis that I want. I'm honestly not trying to make my writing sound pretentious or rhetorical; that's honestly just the way I naturally write.

          Thus far only two people have responded to my request for review readers. A year or so ago a professional editor I was casually speaking to told me that the most difficult aspect of fiction writing these days is getting people to read the work. I'm finding that observation to be chillingly true.

          Comment


            #6
            I'm actually looking foward to seeing what the cover may look like.(Digitally of course).

            Comment


              #7
              Yeah.... The cover.... I haven't yet completely worked out how I'll be addressing that particular component of the book yet.

              Comment


                #8
                I've put the first scene of Bloody Angel up online for readers to examine. Please do feel free to post your thoughts, and if this short excerpt from the prologue piques anyone's interest, I'd be happy to provide the complete text for advance review.

                Comment


                  #9
                  There is one thing I wondered about that scene. Why doesn't the alarm go off?
                  Avatar -I have no idea who that is.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Facepalm. Thanks very much for the catch. In an earlier draft I mentioned that Himiko had already tampered with the security system so that the video cameras would continue recording but the alarm wouldn't sound. Obviously in one of my countless revisions, I removed that detail without noticing what I was doing. I'll fix that immediately.

                    When the story is so familiar to me, I tend to overlook small details because I instinctively assume them. I thought I'd found and corrected all of those little gaffs in continuity & explanations. I really made a deliberate effort to eliminate all of the plot holes I could find in my story.

                    Thanks very much Old Hat for pointing out that error to me.
                    Last edited by John; April 3rd, 2015, 04:00 PM.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by John View Post
                      After nearly 21 years in development and three years of writing, Im now finally satisfied to consider my first original light novel, Bloody Angel, finished. In order to provide potential publishers with some encouragement to pick up the manuscript, Id like to solicit advance reader reviews. If youre interested in doing me the favor of reading & reviewing an advance copy of my book, especially if you have a blog or personal website where you can post an objective, spoiler-free review, please contact me. Ill provide a copy of the manuscript via e-mail in Microsoft Word or PDF format.

                      Anastasia Fujiwara manages a meager living in a dystopic future Japan until a mercenary gang of thugs slaughters her family and leaves her unconscious and presumed dead. Waking up from a coma weeks later, Anastasia sets forth on a vengeful quest for explanations and reparation. She quickly learns that shes been drawn into a cryptic conflict between massive corporations, and the secrets shell uncover will cost her, body and soul, more than she ever imagined she could sacrifice.

                      Bloody Angel is a symbolically and thematically rich cyberpunk adventure inspired by Japanese light novels and anime. The tragic unconventional revenge epic is steeped in Shinto mythology and includes extensive references to literary tradition and religious iconography along with abundant subtextual thematic depth. Ideal for anime and manga fans, Bloody Angel is an intelligent, compelling, emotionally wrenching story accessible to all readers with a taste for provocative, mature sci-fi action.

                      John looks interesting have you also considered selling the rights to a major film studio in japan...and i stress Japan not Hollywood of good ole U.S.A

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Naturally I've dreamed of seeing this story get animated, but it would virtually have to be a particularly major cult hit in order to interest any Japanese production companies.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I'm not quite sure how to review something with no spoilers at all especially when I am not sure what you consider a spoiler. I got around halfway through but I am going to start over from the beginning. I have lost the thread of who is doing what to who and why.
                          Avatar -I have no idea who that is.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Ah don't worry too much about the error, even Oda-san's made some errors in One Piece continuity. (just a few though)

                            So is this kinda like Shadowrun in Japan?
                            Last edited by Beet28; May 1st, 2015, 08:12 PM.
                            http://cherrysoul.easter.ne.jp/forever.htm

                            I just signed the "50000 sigs and Shaman King will continue petition", did you? (1st bar name, 2nd address, 3rd personal message) And yes, Shueisha really will continue it if they get that many numbers.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              No, not really. There are some very general similarities but the two settings are quite different. It's much closer in tone to a classic Cyberpunk corporate dystopia like R. Talsorian's Cyberpunk 2020 setting though it adds its own twist.
                              Avatar -I have no idea who that is.

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