i often wish people would be good to each other. i think about this a lot actually. not in an obsessive way like you might see a hyper religious person do or something (im spiritual, not religious anyway).

i dont know. about this time of year i see a lot of bell ringers and what not. it bothers me. it's not that i disagree with charity (though i am careful which i give my change to because some of them are rackets), quite the opposite honestly. it just really gets under my skin that everyone waits until December to start making a show of caring about the less fortunate.

its the same around the workplace or wherever too. everyone is all goodwill toward men etc (could just be a midwest thing idk)

but these are the same people i see being terrible to everyone the rest of the year. i notice more than i think I'd like to in that regard, honestly. i think i might be easy to talk to or something im not sure but people confide in me a lot, or maybe they do this with everyone who knows. the stuff i hear people say behind each others backs is astounding sometimes, though.

over the summer of 2018 i went mountain hiking with some friends in colorado and came face to face with my own fakeness. the terrain was hard and i nearly fell more than once. i was terrified. i dont want to be cliche and say the experience changed me or anything but i got to face death, and to break down in front of my friends (fear of heights, who knew?) but it did put some stuff in perspective for me.

im not perfect and i know i mess stuff up sometimes, but ive really started thinking about what exactly im leaving behind. i see people being so petty to each other and i dont understand why? our time here is so short. why waste it?